UNSOLICITED RECOMMENDATION
People trying to turn their life around by applying for advanced degress need all the help they can get.

To the people in charge:

Good Lord. Where to start? I guess first of all you should know that this crazy son of a bitch owes me five bucks. We were down at Spink's, having a few lunchtinis (a lunchtini is straight well whiskey,consumed between the hours of 11 am and 2pm) when I went to the bathroom. I guess I must have accidentally bumped into this stuffy old dude, because he was all, "Pardon me, sir." Which yeah, I know, doesn't look so bad when you read it, but he said it all snooty and jerk-style, like some kind of bastard. So when I get back to our table on the second floor, I notice Stupid Old Bastardnuts down below, and I say to Sully, "Hey Smell (we call him ‘the Smell’), I bet you five bucks I can spit a nacho on Old Bastardnuts' bald ass head.” Smell says "Fuck no you can't," and so guess what? I do. Blammo! Direct hit! And so lame old Chrome Dome the Cranky, King of Jack Shit, is down there looking around looking for the perpetrator, sounding like Mr. Howell from Gilligan's all, “What is this on my head? How did it get here? I'm a snooty fancyman! Fa fa fa fa…” while we're sitting there under the table laughing so hard we nearly snarf our jalapeno poppers.

But does the Smell pay me for my triumph? What do you think? I already told you he didn't.

Still, he's an OK guy and I am writing to recommend the Smell for your law school, which I hear isn’t that great anyway. Hell I'd even go so far as to say I highly recommend him. Even though he screwed my sister. In my own damn house (apartment). In the closet. On Christmas. Which is also my birthday. At least she didn't get pregnant.

Still, he's one of the smartest dudes I know, and I've worked in like a million offices (I temp a lot, when the dickwads will place me, which they haven't in like 6 weeks, hence the steady diet of lunchtinis). But so anyway, let this guy in. If you don't, when he gets big and famous, you're totally gonna feel like a dick.

From,
A Guy Who Knows (believe me)

Copyright 2004 Brian L. Perkins