DISCOVER: HAWAII page 2 Climate The weather in Hawaii is quite enjoyable. Which is to say, it can be enjoyed. Another thing which can be enjoyed is the company of the powerful. Which is why I was thrilled to be invited to dinner by the esteemed governor, Mr. Benjamin J. Cayetano. The esteemed governor, Mr. Benjamin J. Cayetano, finds me to be very attractive and sexually appealing. This is not surprising, because I am both of those things. And more. Throughout the evening the esteemed governor, Mr. Benjamin J. Cayetano, makes many subtle and then not-so-subtle advances indicating not only an explosive and of-the-moment sexual storm brewing in his considerable libido, but also a deeper more spiritual yearning to be near me, as he, the esteemed governor, Mr. Benjamin J. Cayetano, believes us to be kindred souls. It is for this reason that I leave the room with Lieutenant Governor Mazie K. Hirono and have incredibly loud acrobatic sex which the governor is sure to hear. For those that have not tried it, I highly recommend incredibly loud, acrobatic sex with Lieuteneant Governor Mazie K. Hirono. Another thing I highly recommend, is the hiring of a driver. Hiring a driver is a cheap and easy way to have someone else drive you places. Hiring a driver is a cheap and easy way to rid yourself of unsightly blemishes. Hiring a driver will finally unite the American people who have stood divided for far too long. Culture and Miscellany No trip to Hawaii is complete without sampling the culture, which is vibrant and alive. The best way to do this is to procure a job in the defense industry, which generates $10.9 billion to the state's economy annually. Because the Hawaiians are so friendly, they will gladly allow tourists to help them design and test satellites, bombs, jets, and missiles. You can also get a drawing of yourself made in which your head is drawn completely out of proportion with your miniscule body. This very comical, which is to say... very Hawaiian. Nearly all of the women in Hawaii are 82 years old. The state tree is the candlenut and the state song is Like a Rock, by Bob Seger, though Hawaiians are far more likely to sing either the Marseillaise or the 1812 Overture at public events, because though it is little discussed, most Hawaiians secretly suspect that Bob Seger is not Hawaiian. In 1999 there were 4,620 divorces and annulments in Hawaii. The state motto is Ua mau ke ea o ka 'aina i ka pono. Lieutenant Governor Mazie K. Hirono translates this as such: "The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness." No one knows what this means.